WOMEN HOLD UP HALF THE SKY!

You're inside my mind!

goddamnit I write this like every time I'm posting a new blog post on here. But I'm also only 17 so I don't care. So I had a change of heart about this theme... again...well kinda. 
I actually changed the way I feel and think about stuff and I changed my state of mind mind (this is complicated). 
I feel like I tried to be the stereotypical blogger, that posts stuff about the best cupcake recipe or their favorites of the month, but that is just not really me anymore...if it ever was. 
I unfollwed most people on insta and started following people like Ella Grace Denton and Zca Zca Inci. I'm very much in love with their life style and the way they see the world.
I wanna start loving my body and in my case it's just not working to accept the way I look. I tried it over the last couple months and I started to like the features that I can not change!
But when I look in the mirror I just don't feel beautiful or really healthy. That's why I will not post any more cupcake recipes with 4 cups of sugar and shit that's not good for you, at least when you try to loose weight. And don't get me wrong, of course every size, every body and every number on the scale is okay and doesn't say anything about you and every woman is beautiful. I just wanna live healthier and make myself a beautiful new home, that is my body. So please, don't get mad at me, it's my thing that I wanna do and maybe on the road to my new ,,home" I realize that at some point my whole body is beatiful without reaching my goal. You never know. I just wanted to keep you guys updated on what my 17 year old mind is thinking at the moment, in the end you were the one that entered. xx


Oh! And there won't be any set days that I'm posting. This is actually gonna be my mind, where I can do and say what ever I feel like and where I can get in contact with you guys. We're gonna creep into each others minds. HA!

What I Like

weekly FAVORITES

Hey guys!
Today: Tell me your favorite "fall candle scent" in the comments :)
So like every Sunday I'm going to show you my favorites today. It's not the regular favorites post where I show you random stuff I enjoyed this month. I will show you my favorites in five specific categories.

- favorite thing to watch
- favorite person
- favorite thing I did
- favorite piece of clothing
- favorite tumblr post
Then I'm going to rate each thing with hearts from one to five! ♥


1. Favorite thing to watch:
My favorite thing to watch is still Pretty Little Liars. In my last post I was in season 3...now it's season 5.
I have to say that it's not my favorite show, I've ever watched but I kinda like the tension that comes with it even though it stretches into infinity ans you still don't really know anything. No spoilers!!

♥♥

2. Favorite person: (On social media)
Is (again) a tumblr blog. I spoke about Geordie Gray in one of my previous posts before and only found out that she also has a tumblr blog. It's @mtvgeneration and it to me is really inspiring. I love that she answers so many asks and is really really honest.

♥♥♥♥

3. Favorite thing I did: 
This week I climbed up a mountain here in Germany, called Brocken. It's 1141 m high and we started at Torfhaus and walked up the route called "Goetheweg". It weirdly took us 2 hours to get up there but over three to walk back. But it was loads of fun and it's just kinda this "f*ck we did it feeling when you reach the top".

♥♥♥♥

4. Favorite piece of clothing:
I haven't bought any new clothes in quite a long time, but I'm about to head to Cologne this week to go shopping!
Until then I'm going to be wearing my good old fave. It's my Hard Rock Cafe shirt that I got in New York. It's just really classy, and goes with literally everything. (I'm pretty sure everyone knows how it looks like.)

♥♥

5. Favorite tumblr post:

So I'm on a break at the moment which means I have a lot of time for things like tumblr. That makes it really hard to decide on a favorite post in an entire week. I guess that's what you'd call first world problems..or probably just mine.

♥♥♥♥♥

I chose this because I was gone for a year and all my friends I
saw again this year told me how much I've changed.
(not necessarily in a bad way, I hope.) 

♥♥

I'm sorry this Sunday was so short, I was in a hurry but promise next week will be longer!! 

~k80

Nut Wedges

TUESDAY

So I'm kinda swerving into the baking lane(?) and I found a new recipe book on the book shelf. I looked through it and found "Nussecken", and because it's almost Christmas, I guess, I made them. It got me into a really festive mood and I feel like it was a mistake to make them because it's mid October. But you can never be too early for Christmas baking!

What you need:

-*250g flour

-*100g sugar

-*100g margarine

-*1 packet vanilla sugar

-*2 eggs

-*1 teaspoon backing powder

_ _ _ _ _ 

-1 jar apricot jam

-100g chopped almonds

-100g chopped hazelnuts

-3 tablespoons water

_ _ _ _ _ 

-200g bittersweet chocolate

First step:

Mix all ingredients (*) in a bowl until you get a stiff dough. You can knead it if it gets too hard.

Second step:

Grease the baking tray with margarine. (Don't forget the corners!)

Third step:

Place the dough onto the tray and smooth it out.

Fourth step:

Spread out the apricot jam onto the dough.

Fifth step:

Take the leftover ingredients and bring them to boil in a pot.

(Don't forget to stir them, they will get burnt quickly!)

Sixth step:

Spread the hot mixture on top of the apricot jam.

Seventh step: 

Put the tray into the oven at 175C (~350F) for about 25-30 minutes.

Eighth step:

Take it out of the oven and let it cool down.

Ninth step:

Cut the dough into many little triangle shapes. But keep it on the tray.

Tenth step:

Melt the chocolate in a bowl on top of hot water.

Eleventh step:

Dip two corners of each nut wedge into the chocolate.

TADAA!

Tell me in the comments what your favorite fall/winter recipe is :)

If you bake the nut wedges, tag them with #k80cake on instagram so I can see them :)

~k80

Short Story

You're inside my mind!

I never finish anything. Not a play on my piano, not a song on my guitar. I always stop when it either gets to hard or when I know the refrain. Then I'm done.
This night I sit on the floor in my room, the little candle I got from my grandma last year is my only light. I have my acoustic guitar on my lap and hold the strings. I don't play them, I just listen to the silence. I don't hear any noise but even that can be so loud that you fear you might go deaf. I take a deep breath just so I know I can still hear, and so I know I am still here. Sometimes I have the feeling that I'm in another world. It's like, I know I'm sitting in my room in the middle of the night on a school night. I know I'm holding my guitar by the neck and cover the strings so they don't make a sound. I see the little flame in my vanilla scented candle flickering in the dark every time I breathe out. But I don't feel anything. I hold my hand above the candle and feel the heat of the flame raising as I get closer. I pull away when it gets too hot. I pinch my arm, I feel how the spot gets red and I stop because it started to hurt. I do feel physical pain. But I know I don't feel the mental one. I think back a couple of years, back to my first heartbreak. I remember 15 year old me being broken into thousands of pieces, while I laid crying in the same spot I sit today. I try to get the feeling back. I try to feel something. Being heartbroken might not be the nicest of feelings but it is one. I haven't cried in a long time. I just stare at the ceiling or the wall and notice how the inner of my body is sucked into a deep black hole. I don't know if there is an end or what's in that hole. Probably nothing. I always like to imagine that there is a new universe. A universe I created myself. One where I like it and wouldn't want to change anything about it. But then I think that there is nothing again because most of me is already sucked into that whole and I am still on this earth, where I have to get up at 6am  five times a week. Where I do my homework for two hours six times a week. I eat dinner everyday on the same chair, at the same time while some TV show is on. It's the same routine day in and day out.
I pick up my phone but then remember that I turned it off yesterday. I don't know what time it is or how long I sat here. I put the lowest string between my thumb and my index finger.
I think: What would be if I don't hear the sound of the E-string. What if I actually went deaf while I fell deeper and deeper into that black hole. I don't know where it is in my body, if it is in me. Maybe in my heart or my head. Maybe it's just one massive hole inside of me. I think about letting the string go but stop again for a second, and think about what it would mean if I'd be deaf. Would it mean I'm dead?
I close my eyes and pull my fingers away. And I hear the bass sound of the thickest string filling my room.
A bit disappointed I get up, put my guitar in it's corner, blow out the candle and go to bed.


This is not a journal but more of a creative writing! ~k80